time elapsed since i began curling my hair: 1 hr 45 min
number of times i have watched matilda while curling said hair: 1
number of youtube videos about puppies i have watched since finishing matilda: 5
number of times i have burned my neck with the curling iron: 1
number of times the curling iron has come unplugged, resulting in limp tendrils: 3
number of times i have wanted to turn off said curling iron and just shave my head: 4584568456456745674564564564564756
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