what i love about fall

• devotchka (my rainy weather music).
  
• baking.
  
• the leaves. ohhh the leaves. i'm tempted to buy a rake, collect leaves from a couple people's yards (could they really be mad? i'm clearing leaves from their lawns, free of charge), put together a massive pile in cal anderson and just go bat shit.
  
• did i mention baking? well i suppose cooking in general. now we have an excuse to turn the oven on.
  
• the sound of rain on the cobblestone street outside of my window.
  
• being able to wear boots.
  
• the smell of the air. it's burning leaves and cinnamon and cold and wet all rolled together.
  
• movie nights with my knitting.
  
• you know, i actually do like the feeling of rain stinging my face when i'm biking. it keeps me cool and masks the perspiration that always ensues after my rides with zoe.
  
• halloween candy.
  
• halloween costume planning.
  
• pumpkin patches.
  
• our csa box. not that we don't get some pretty gorgeous produce throughout the other seasons, but acorn squash and apples make me so happy.
  
• rainy drives through interlaken.
  
• the fact that my birthday is on october 22nd :)
  

argh, really?

      All I've been doing is working and baking. You can catch up on my culinary adventures here. Otherwise, trust that I will write something more extensive (albeit perhaps not terribly exciting) later this week. I feel a change.

ladies and gentlemen...

      I'm back :) I could write entries upon entries about everything that has happened over the past year or so (as could anyone, over such a period of time), but I choose to consolidate. Keep it simple.


      I chopped my hair off. Accrued a tattoo. Found a beautiful, beautiful apartment in Seattle. Bought a vintage Motobecane whose name is Zoe and who has seen me through exhilarating Burke-Gilman morning rides and awkward tumbles around Capitol Hill. Applied for grad school, and am awaiting a decision. Graduated from the University of Washington, more or less satisfied with my academic performance but overall extremely happy with everything and everyone I've encountered. Took some bad in with the good.


      I originally planned on returning to Spain to teach English for a year through CIEE. However, as the time for me to go abroad drew closer, I realized that there were too many things to take care of in Seattle. I wasn't scared of leaving (I had studied abroad before. Spain felt like a second home). I wasn't lazy about completing the necessary TEFL class and visa application (I function best when my days are completely filled. I was working, completing a grad school prerequisite course and finishing up my Spanish degree while organizing my visa materials and doing my TEFL coursework). I just... didn't feel ready. Here I was, with a wonderful apartment, in a wonderful neighborhood, wonderful job (I'm a nanny for a special needs family), wonderful friends, wonderful life that I've built for myself in Seattle. If grad school was my goal, I needed to work towards it: save more money, establish residency, gain more experience with the American education system. So, after much thought (and a ten block walk/phone call to my roommate while I was in San Francisco to submit my visa application), I decided to stay in Seattle and continue building my life as an independent adult. As conflicted as I felt initially, I couldn't be happier now with my decision.


      One of my promises to myself for staying is to experience more of Seattle, more of the Pacific Northwest as a whole. May this continue be a medium through which to record my adventures in a place so firmly rooted in me.

the aftermath

      so it's been a few weeks since i've left spain, and i thought i should write some sort of closing entry for my international experience.

      the flights went well. as expected, i slept the entire way to the helio sequence and nada surf. adjusting to california wasn't that difficult. it was sunny, there were only a few people who were back from school, and i spent most of it sleeping, eating (even though, according to the scales, i gained a little more than 10 pounds), seeing the friends who had returned.

      the drive to seattle was a lot easier than i thought it would be. i left at 5:30a with a 16oz coffee (an addiction that, much to my mother's chagrin, i will not give up easily), a shopping bag full of snacks from trader joe's, and a fully charged ipod. i got sick of the ipod 10 hours in and ate all of my food before arriving. the drive through california was perhaps my favorite part. i was the only one on i-5 for a while. it was glorious.

      the first night in seattle was definitely the hardest. i was lying in rae's bed going over and over in my head how i had changed, what had changed when i was gone, and how i wanted nothing more than to ensure that the change was permanent, that i wouldn't lose any of the sassiness, independence, optimism, and other personality traits that had amplified and that i had prided myself on having upon my departure from spain. but i'm still here, still satisfied, still leilani. i wish i had kept everything from my classes in spain, because one poem from literature will always stick in my mind. it discusses the various "i" 's of a person: who they want to be, who they see themselves as, who others see themselves as, and who they actually are. i don't remember if the same poet wrote the next one we looked over in class, but THAT one detailed the various "i" 's again, this time as each stage of a person being essential to the end result, but also being shed when it was time for said person to acquire the traits they would need to move forward. i'm happy with where i am, but am even happier to know that each successive experience and observation will only bring me closer to who i need to be in the end. i will end this entry with a quote i found in the new nada surf cd booklet: "i'd just say i'm lucky to have found stars."

thisisaBLAST!

      alright, i'm just going to bitch for a minute and then i promise i'll write about something worthwhile.

• my ipod completely erased itself, for no good reason. luckily, all my music is on my external, so i just put it back on, but my playlists were erased, which irks me the most. i had a lot.
  
• i bought a pair of jeans in april that ripped this past week. in the butt. when i was in a bar, just hanging out. so i went to the store the next day to exchange them, which wasn't a problem. later that night at dinner, THAT pair ripped. in the same spot. and i didn't have time to return them, so i had to throw them away (the gash was irreparable. and not along the seam). they were pepe, too. and the perfect dark rinse and fit.
  
• my flight was pushed a day later. this meant that getting to the jerez airport at 6a yesterday, still drunk, was for naught.
  

      but onto the positive, i checked myself into a nice hotel, ordered room service (half of the dessert menu. gluttony's the deadly sin i partake in the most, and will no doubt be my demise), slept for a solid 5 hours in the afternoon in one of the comfiest beds besides my own (let me explain my bed in seattle: 4 pillows. 2 feather mattresses. the company store cotton sheets, and a flannel comforter. cocoon at its finest), and watched true romance, the namesake, and the rules of attraction. i was deeply asleep, again, by 12:30a, and awake at 5a to pack up my stuff and go to the airport. i'm now in madrid after a restful flight, and will be boarding the plane to chicago in an hour and a half. it's a ten hour flight, which i will no doubt spend sleeping. i don't know what it is about moving vehicles and i. some people get sick, others get restless, i don't even need a headrest and i'm out for the count.

      alright, skype date with kai.

we've hit the less than a week mark

      alright, i'll write today.

      this time next week, i will be on a plane to chicago, which will then take me to san francisco. i realized that i haven't seen a lot of things since january: a dollar bill, a front load washing machine, a gallon of milk, a lined notebook (all they have here is grid paper). i haven't worn a pair of rainbows since december, nor have i driven a car. i haven't taken a comparative literature class, and i missed mother's day. i try to read the news on a regular basis, and i'm missing a lot in the US right now. that is by no means to say that i don't take into account what's going on around the globe; my heart goes out to the victims of the cyclone in myanmar and the earthquake in china. i just feel very disconnected from the presidential debate (which, at this time, might be a good thing), the california ruling on gay marriage (my state! MY STATE!), and the deadliest tornado season in a decade. i've missed out on a lot since i've been here, and it's a luxury in some ways, no doubt (who doesn't want to get away from it for a bit and experience something else?). but i feel like i'm ready to come back.

      i feel that i've accomplished a lot of what i wanted to do when i arrived: improved my spanish (in speaking, writing, understanding), no doubt could i have put myself in situations that would have further improved it, but i'm happy with the level i've reached; i traveled so much, through spain, through rome and florence; i took copious amounts of photos; saved museum, disco, tour ticket stubs; did well in my classes; surfed a fair amount; met some amazing people not only around the world, but who will be coming back to seattle and sharing the rest of their undergrad experience with me; had honest to god paella and gazpacho; tried blood sausage and loved it; rode on the back of a moto; learned how to belly dance; shopped without (much) shame for my purchases; improved my tan; became a stronger, independent, more confident person. there are countless other things that have left an impression, but this entry would never end if i close to write them down.

      i'm so happy with how my experience in cadiz turned out, i wouldn't change it for the world. i've been very blessed, and am thankful to have partook in such a program. i remember sitting there in the gateway center, going over what classes i needed to double major, fulfill the teaching school requirements, and graduate in spring 2009. i asked my advisor, "look at this. if i study abroad, i will not be able to do this. i should just stay here, complete everything i need to do, and then maybe i can travel in the in between time." and he looked at me, shook his head furiously, and said, "you are not letting this one pass you by. you can take summer courses. you can take more than 15 credits per quarter. but YOU are studying abroad. this is going to change your life. i can't tell you how many people regret doing it. you have the opportunity, take it." i wonder if he'll be there when i go back to the gateway center in the fall so i can thank him profusely. having done the program, i couldn't agree with him more.


      with less than a week to go, the most i can do is explore cadiz further, study hard for my exams, leave the city, its people, and the program on good terms. when i say i'm ready to go back, i'm ready to embrace the reality that will consume me until fall 2009, at which point i'd like to return to spain to teach for a year before beginning the college of education program at uw. the past 5 months have been nothing short of wonderful, and i think i'm ready (well, i have to be, don't i? :) ) to face the next big change with as much passion as i put into being in spain for close to half a year.

one final down, 4 more to go! in the meantime..

the menu for when i arrive:


• kid's mac and cheese and kid's sundae from california pizza kitchen
  
• 2 unagi hand rolls, shrimp tempura, my own plate of sashimi, and green tea ice cream from shun
  
• bbq pork buns, shu mai, sesame balls, those shrimp-chive-corn discs, honey walnut prawns, shrimp dumplings from honey court
  
• rama garden with chicken, 3 stars, and crab wontons with plum sauce from thaiger room
  
• oysters and lobster at elliott's on the pier
  
• cheeseburger, onion rings, and a strawberry milkshake from burger hut
  
• greasy chicken chow mein from ANYWHERE
  
• mongolian grill
  
• hawaiian barbeque
  
• caprese melt, oklahoma chili, cornbread muffin, caesar salad from nana's
  
• ANY dopplebock from bottleworks. good lord how i miss dark beer
  
• bbq chicken pizza with pineapple slices piled on, from trader joes
  
• life cereal, courtesy of qfc. or safeway
  
• a venti iced chai from chocolati
  
• monterey omelette and house coffee from the rusty pelican
  

the master plan:


• gain at least 30 pounds
  
• lose it all thanks to the copious amount of cherries i will no doubt consume while working at the farmers' market
  
• and daily pilates