the aftermath

      so it's been a few weeks since i've left spain, and i thought i should write some sort of closing entry for my international experience.

      the flights went well. as expected, i slept the entire way to the helio sequence and nada surf. adjusting to california wasn't that difficult. it was sunny, there were only a few people who were back from school, and i spent most of it sleeping, eating (even though, according to the scales, i gained a little more than 10 pounds), seeing the friends who had returned.

      the drive to seattle was a lot easier than i thought it would be. i left at 5:30a with a 16oz coffee (an addiction that, much to my mother's chagrin, i will not give up easily), a shopping bag full of snacks from trader joe's, and a fully charged ipod. i got sick of the ipod 10 hours in and ate all of my food before arriving. the drive through california was perhaps my favorite part. i was the only one on i-5 for a while. it was glorious.

      the first night in seattle was definitely the hardest. i was lying in rae's bed going over and over in my head how i had changed, what had changed when i was gone, and how i wanted nothing more than to ensure that the change was permanent, that i wouldn't lose any of the sassiness, independence, optimism, and other personality traits that had amplified and that i had prided myself on having upon my departure from spain. but i'm still here, still satisfied, still leilani. i wish i had kept everything from my classes in spain, because one poem from literature will always stick in my mind. it discusses the various "i" 's of a person: who they want to be, who they see themselves as, who others see themselves as, and who they actually are. i don't remember if the same poet wrote the next one we looked over in class, but THAT one detailed the various "i" 's again, this time as each stage of a person being essential to the end result, but also being shed when it was time for said person to acquire the traits they would need to move forward. i'm happy with where i am, but am even happier to know that each successive experience and observation will only bring me closer to who i need to be in the end. i will end this entry with a quote i found in the new nada surf cd booklet: "i'd just say i'm lucky to have found stars."